Saturday, March 12, 2011

Why Motherhood is Not Enough

Women are so multifaceted and amazing. We believe we can do anything and will try to do everything. But in our effort to serve our children we often forget to love ourselves along the way.

The spirit of motherhood cannot feed the needs of the sister, the daughter, the friend, and the lover in us simply because we are mothers. Mothers, at their core, are women. We need to feel the love of friends over a glass of wine or a cup of coffee. We have to have the moments of solace that come with watching the sun rise or set. We have to have the steady beat of music pumping through our veins as a theme song to get motivated each day.

The reason shows such as The View and The Talk are successful because we crave intellectual conversations with friends along with bursts of laughter and hugs filled with love. Lifetime and Oprah are equally successful because we, the women, the wives, and the mothers, require empathy. We need to know we are not alone in our struggles, our victories or successes.

Every women, mother, sister, daughter, friend, should take time to carve out a moment to love herself without the validation of another person. Its simple - take a warm bath after all the children are in bed. Turn on the music and light a candle. Maybe pour a glass of wine and read a book. To create physical balance go for a walk alone in a park or simply sit in the floor to stretch.

There is no guilt in loving yourself enough to preserve your individuality. Although we are connected like puzzle pieces to so many things, we are still one piece of the puzzle. It took me 14 years of marriage and four children to decide I am a priority. When I was a “new mommy” I had a great women who I consider a mentor say, “You can’t take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself.”

In the book, The Seven Highly Effective Habits, Covey calls the seventh habit sharpening your saw. In essence he says finding time for me allows me to be a better mother, a better friend, and a better wife. Personally, having that time to reflect personally and sit in the presence of friends who love me makes me a better me. I am stronger and wiser when I have this time. I can focus on my family more after I have had time alone or with friends.

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