You Don't Like Me?

I was watching television and heard that ten percent of the people we come into contact with don’t like you.  I think we all have an inkling when a person does not care for us, right? We all notice the body language and the nonverbal clues which lead us to believe this person is “not feeling” me. Well…I have two thoughts on this statistic and a possible follow up post. The first thought is knowing this statistic, how do we handle it and teach our children to understand this fact of life. The next thought is I am part of the ten percent thus I am part of the problem.

I know there are folks who just don’t like me and somewhere over the years, I have conditioned myself t believe that there must be something right about me and wrong with them because I am awesome. Right?  Well, to some degree this is true. While believing that I am wonderful in every way I have to examine myself from time to time and ask what am I doing to make others see me ”this way”? Sometimes I have to correct my people skills to tweak my first impressions. I have found that being open the possibility of  not always putting my best foot forward is only human. In other words, we all have bad moments in the presence of strangers and new comers.

I would be lying if I said my feelings have never been hurt by hearing someone say, “ She says she does not like you” or by realizing that my calls go unanswered when I believe I have made a BFF connection with someone. I am human and I believe it’s human nature to feel that pain of rejection that comes with knowing that someone finds  fault in me for being myself. It’s  the rejection that causes me to in turn judge them and finds reasons to not care for them either.  It’s the rejection that makes me second guess and replay the five minute conversation we had. It is rejection that hurts me not the other person. They have a right to choose to befriend me or not.

Does that mean I can change the way others feel about me?  NOPE!  It means , I know that I am mindful of my surroundings and try to be the best me I can be all the time. Not fake or phony… just the best part of me. Because that’s  what people connect to - the best of you. Your friends are your friends because they know about the best of you and then they learn about the weaknesses you are trying to strengthen.
In these days of “mean girls”, what do I teach my daughters? I teach them the truth. There will always be those folks who don’t like you. Even, in their presence, you showcase the best of yourself. That means remembering that you never know who is watching. I remind them that they are awesome and if there is a situation where folks are constantly getting the wrong impression, then we need to take a look at the image they  are putting out there. Also, I remind them that we don’t act like others people. We act like ourself---ALWAYS.

For my sons, I have learned they don't measure friendship the same as girls. The same is true for men. Friendship is an event and not a way of  life. Betrayal and spending time together are not a vital part of tenants of friendship. Other people don't determine the way they feel in each moment. They have others measures but friendship is not one of those measures. I tell my boys to understand the importance of first impressions and respect the moment because it can and will define how others see and judge you.

As I write this blog, I am sharing with you’re the most candid thoughts I have about life- MY LIFE. I am learning in this very moment and I am sharing the lessons I learn as I go with each of you. In my life and I am certain in yours , we have all run across people that rub us the wrong way or we don’t mesh with easily. We have several categories that we place people in to help keep them  at arm’s length  or to keep our distance. We have our reasons for sizing people up in the first few moments of meeting them to protect our own interest. But why? What makes us decide we have to make a decision about another person after on five or maybe ten minutes with them?  Remember this...that same ten percent  applies to you and me, so we are part of the problem.

I am as guilty as any person of watching a person when they are not in their finest moment and deciding I can’t associate with that person. Also, I have been known to meet a person and then decide to hold them at a distance because I met them and moved them to my “ do not call list”. I have a whole list of reasons why I could not befriend a person. But I have decided to take a different approach. What if I meet someone and just decide to get to know them first? Befriending someone is creating a relationship. Relationships meet many different needs. Maybe just maybe if I take the time to get to know someone and they get to know me, we may develop a friendship. Maybe not…we may develop an acquaintance instead. Knowing that someone is not a "bestie" may save me and that person a great deal of pain, heartache, and frustration in the long run. I think I will slow down the process and develop quality friendships instead of gathering friends like apples in a baskethaving to throw some away because the basket is too full or too heavy for me to carry.Whatever develops with my next casual meeting  I will be pleasant and open minded.

The best lessons I can pass along to my children is the ability to give people a chance. Giving people a chance may increase the chance I receive the next time I have a casual first time meeting. Next time I will remember  and I hope you will remember to just relax and enjoy the ride.